My Anxiety, God My Relief

The economy has brought about trouble and discomfort throughout the whole country. Families and individuals are facing different financial scenarios and making life changing decisions. Our family is no exception.

Two years ago I decided I needed to go back to patient care, the stress of a governmental management job was eating me alive. I found a job in hospice, (my first love for a job). The job was a an hour an a half drive away from my family, working four ten hour shifts. I found a hotel that would work with me on pricing and I stayed during my days of work. I thought this would help with decreasing stress and still give me time with my family.

Family dogs during a family outing.

Unfortunately, the economy also affected the company I was employed at. Many changes occurred, including reorganizing and shifting of nurses and selling of the company (again). In the ten months I was there I had five different positions and a few different pay rates. Agreements and promises weren't upheld. I decided I needed to leave, giving my two weeks notice once I found other employment.

My next position found me back in nursing management at a home care agency. Still another hour an a half drive away from my family one way. My family needed me home more, just as much as I needed to be home. Trying to meet everyone's need, I chose to drive back and forth each day, instead of staying at the hotel. I really didn't like the job, but I needed it and the pay was really good. The position, travel and being away from my family was once again another stressful situation for me.

Relief came from the job stress when I fractured my knee and was temporarily disabled. I was out of work for nine months, drawing disability. This was a healing time for my body and my family.

Family, Great Grandma and Grandpa and Grandma. 

Husband and wife with Max the pup.

Son with Max graduating from his first class.

After my knee healed and I had some physical therapy sessions, I went back to work this past June. Working part-time at the local surgery center. Least amount of stress I've had in a  long time. I get to spend a  lot of time at home enjoying my family, animals and my simpler life.

With part-time work comes a part-time income. With injuries comes medical bills. With a slow economy comes periods of decrease in business for many companies, my husband's included. Fortunately we're not in financial trouble. Things are tight but we're making it. Business has been better the last two weeks for my husband and surgery cases have increased recently. I'm grateful for these blessings.

With the times as they are, I've felt the need to look for full-time work. Not only for an income but also for health insurance. I have Systemic Lupus and I'm uninsurable through private health insurance. My husband has no insurance.

I've applied for three different jobs in the last month; one I haven't heard from, one was filled and one I interviewed for this past Wednesday. The interview I thought went really well. The interviewers said I would be called next week.

The job is in the local hospital in infusion therapy, with possibly cross training for surgery (per my request). I would be working three days, twelve hour shifts on Wednesdays, Thursdays and Fridays. I would still have four days off and the drive is only about ten minutes away.

Wouldn't be a family without a cat.

I've prayed about this and I'm ok with whatever the Lord wants, but I worry. I worry if I don't get the job, what does the Lord have planned instead, I worry about our needs being met if I don't get the job and also about the attitudes of the people I'll be working with.

God tells us in His word how to handle all of this. I just have hard time letting things go. In the New International Version Matthew 6:25-27 "Therfore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?"

Jeremiah 29:11 "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" NIV

Philippians 4:6 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."

Ravendale, CA

Clearly looking at scripture, I see I don't have anything to worry about. And if God's word and His promises weren't enough, as I was writing this post my husband got a call about a large rush job that will bring in $360! Isn't God amazing and so worthy to be praised!! (and trusted!)

Goals? I Faintly Remember Something About Goals.

It seems like forever since I've written goals for simplifying my life and evaluated them. I wrote the goals to decrease activities in my life because I frequently take on too much. I wanted to get back to what is really important and get rid of the stuff I can live without.

What has you running to another project?

The last three months have been unusually busy. The strange thing is the busyness wasn't initiated by me. I like to make to-do lists, or I should say a "wish list" of things to do. I always seem to want to cook, paint, sew, read, garden, get a new animal or make some commitment to do something. Overbooking myself and leaving my family lonely.

Are you all alone?

This year, so far has, been different. The only lists I have made seem to be for groceries or a few errands. Lately, my time has been spent with many different people. I believe the time I'm spending with others is God's design for my life right now.

It is important to God, for you not to be alone.

To begin the year, my son broke his right elbow. This has led to driving him to M.D. appointments, to the hospital for x-rays and keeping up with his physical therapy appointments. I spend a lot of time with my son normally with family activities and his schoolwork. All the time spent has let me see my son grow, mature and soften. It truly has been a heartfelt pleasure.

My husband and I have made a conscious effort to spend quality time together. We've discovered "quality time" is one of our love languages, it is number one for him and number two for me. To meet this need, we've been having dinners together, prayer time, family activities and have found an online TV program we like to watch. (We don't have regular TV and I normally don't even watch TV.) These activities have brought an easiness back into our marriage which we haven't had in over a year.

A lot more of my time has been spent with my 91 year old friend, Vera who was diagnosed with CHF. My Mother-in-law has taken on helping Vera more now. She doesn't believe Vera will live much longer and is spending as much time with her as she can. I believe I was involved for a needed period of time but now I'm meant to spend time on other relationships, such as my family and my newfound friend, who I will call "Kat".

My friend Kat, (Name has been changed to protect her privacy), has only recently come into my life. I've known her less than two weeks at the time of this writing. I believe she is an answer to a prayer I prayed awhile back. The prayer was a question to God, "who am I, to share your Word with?" The reply I found in His Word was "Whoever I send to you". I believe Kat was sent to me. She is such a blessing.

Everyone needs a supportive friend.

The day I'd met Kat was a Wednesday, I had been in a meeting with my husband and one of our  pastors. I was "hobbling" with my crutches through the youth room and near the door sat Kat. I didn't know her and asked her if she needed help. She said "no", she just wanted to sit and listen to the music the youth band was playing. It was obvious by her appearance and smell, she was under the influence of alcohol. Not knowing what to do, I hobbled back to get the pastor.

We came back and tried to talk to Kat. She became upset and ran out the door to her apartment next door. Hobbling after her, I convinced her to have a conversation and she shared her needs with me. She needed a vaccination against whooping cough to be able to see her newborn granddaughter and she wanted to quit drinking. After our conversation, I told her I would be back at 8:00 AM the next day to take her to the local Public Health for the vaccination and to the County Alcohol and Drug Department for help. We prayed and I left.

The next day, Thursday, Kat was sober and still wanting to quit drinking. To make a long story short, Kat followed through with her vaccination, started the process for treatment (her last intake meeting will be this Friday, then she will begin the program), she went back to Celebrate Recovery on Friday, (a church program for anyone who has an addiction of any kind), attended our church's one day Ladies Retreat on Saturday, came to church with me on Sunday and gave her heart back to Christ. Praise God!

It has been such an honor to see God work and change someone's life. I am so amazed at what God has did and how He has let me be a part of it. Why He chose me to be her friend I don't know, but I'm so grateful.

Who can you be a friend to?

Since meeting Kat, I've seen God work a miracle, the beginning of healing for a broken woman, how God meets someone where they are at, and remembrance of God's Word in Matthew 25:35-40 "For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me, Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you? The King will reply, 'truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.'" (NIV)

God wants us to serve Him by serving others. He wants us to meet people where they are. He uses us to meet the most basic needs of others, showing His love. By showing His love, God can change hearts, ours and the individuals we serve. We ourselves can't change anyone but we can point them to God who can.

Companionship and peace come from God.

Simple, Simplifying Plan

I met with my mentor, shared with her my goals of simplifying my life. Told her how overwhelmed I can become when I get off track from my life vision. I've come up with many ideas of things I'd like to do, learn or places to go and people to visit. It is easy for me to pile on tasks that I truly believe I can do and then in the midst of it all, realize I've taken on too much. Then I panic, trying to free myself from my self-made entrapment of committiments. Leaving myself frustrated, others disappointed who were counting on me and searching again to simplify my life.

Venus, my mentor, (not the planet or goddess) shared with me her God given view about simplifying life. She said "life is like going to a buffet. You can't have everything on the buffet. If you try to sample everything you become overwhelmed with all the choices and all the items on your plate. Having a full plate, also takes up space for the items you truly would like to have more of. We're not meant to have it all."

Not having the room for what you truly enjoy can leave you frustrated and empty. It is okay not to have everything. Scripture can help with making decisions on what to put on our plate. God has set priorities for our lives to help us decide. (Which you can read about here.)

God's Creation

When focusing on God and putting Him first, we can align with Him and do what He wants us to do. Our hearts and minds become more like Christ when we are in His word.

A full plate is a lifestyle of our society and our world today, not a peaceful life of God. Romans 12:2 NKJV reads "And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God." He doesn't want us to conform to this world, society, fast-paced life. He wants us to be like Him, a peaceful life, focused on God and having a relationship with Him. To read His word, to be "renewed" in our mind, to have the mind of Christ. Piling things on our plate doesn't leave much room for God, our #1 priority.

God wants to direct our lives, not control us but keep us safe and happy. Proverbs 3:5-8 NKJV reads "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths. Do not be wise in your own eyes; Fear the Lord and depart from evil. It will be health to your flesh, and strength to your bones." A life of not focusing on God leads to selfishness, pride and over commitment. It's a life that states "I can take care of myself. I can do all I want to," leading us to busyness, emptiness, frustration and feelings of failure.

God's beautiful handiwork. 

God wants a relationship with us. He wants our time spent on knowing Him, fellowshipping with Him, worshiping Him. He gave His all for us. John 3:16 NKJV states "For God so loved the world He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life."All He wants in return is us. "Whoever is of a willing heart, let him bring it as an offering to the Lord;" Exodus 35:5 NKJV.

If you have a willing heart and want a relationship with God, please note sidebar, 'Salvation Through Jesus Christ'. Then find a Bible believing church or a Christian believer in your home town to learn more.

Simplifying My Spiritual Life

After my accident this past September, I've had a lot of time to slow down and reevaluate my life. You can read about my accident here. It didn't take too long to realize I didn't have my priorities straight. It was time to get back on track and put relationships first in my life. You can read about my priorities here.

Bailey Creek, California

In developing my goals for a simpler life I realized I needed a goal for my Spiritual Life (My relationship with God.) Having a relationship with God is an open journey not a marathon. It's not something you do once and then you're done. It is an ongoing process, a daily process. Personally I'm one who is task oriented, likes to do lists and checking tasks off. I've learned changes are needed in this area.

My goal to change this area is:
Establish and implement practices leading to knowing God and other christians by April 1, 2011.

Tasks to include in reaching this goal include:

• 15 Minutes of Bible reading each day, preferably in the morning—I get easily off track on this one.  
• Meet weekly with Spiritual Mentor for one hour and review Bible Study through May 2011. 
• Do Bible study booklet prior to meeting with Mentor.
• Attend church services every week, unless sick or an emergency occurs.
• Go to one church sponsored women's activity each month. 
• Volunteer every eight weeks for childcare during the first church services.
• Prayer; before Bible reading and study, over worries/concerns/decisions and with family, nightly.
• Participate in a weekly small groups Bible Study—I normally attend a women's group.

Meeting my spiritual needs is a high priority and a part of a simpler life for me. In meeting those needs I have to ensure I limit my activities and their frequency, avoiding going back to my previous, overwhelmed, busy life.  

Road Trip Date and Photos

Saturday the weather was absolutely beautiful here in Northern California. The temperature was in the 60's, sun shining, and I had cabin fever. My husband for the first time in six years heard me say "I'm bored." He took my cue and out on a date we went.

My husband and I don't have a lot of time alone. We have a 17 year old son and 12 animals to care for. Our usual outings are to run errands. Many times we end up taking our son and dogs with us. This doesn't provide for a chance to nurture our own relationship.

God designed marriage because He saw, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." Genesis 2:18 (NIV). God has set priorities in our lives about relationships you can read here. Marriage is a high priority only second to our relationship with God. To have healthy relationships with God and our spouse we have to put time and effort into them.

Our outing began with lunch at a small local restaurant. We ate and visited with the owner. In this town everyone knows everyone.

After lunch we stopped by the kennel where we train and board our dogs. The owner has become a good friend of ours. I thought it would be a nice surprise if I took her some chicken eggs and one of my re-potted spider plants. You can read about my surplus of eggs and spider plants here.

After our visit with the dog trainer, off we drove farther north making various stops and taking photos along the way. Hope you enjoy the photos.

Windy Rest Stop.—Ravendale, CA

High Desert Pond (With Fresh Water Springs)—Ravendale, CA

High Desert (Fresh Water Springs From A Distance)

Not uncommon, Cougar tracks on a side dirt road. 

Shoe Tree.—Ravendale, CA

Cows get to run free here.—Ravendale, CA

Cows free ranging next to paved road.—Termo, CA

Horses at local horse sanctuary.—Dry Valley, CA

Some of the horses are domestic, others wild mustangs

'Eagle Lake' In California. Frozen along the shores.

'Eagle Lake' photo taken from 'Stone's Landing'

'Eagle Lake' frozen at dusk

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all!

Isaiah 9:6 NIV For to us a child is born, 

   to us a son is given,
   and the government will be on his shoulders.
And he will be called
   Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,

   Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace 

I surrender

I met with my mentor on Monday for breakfast at a small local restaurant. We ate and talked about scripture and our walk with the Lord. One quoted scripture by her which stuck out was 1 Samuel 15: 22 "So Samuel said, 'Has the Lord as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, As in obeying the voice of the Lord? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice.'" Wow! Powerful words.

God gives us direction throughout His word on how to live. He makes promises of help; He is faithful to keep. He tells us in Proverbs 3:5-6 He will direct are paths if we acknowledge Him in all our ways. All we have to do is be obedient.

Obedience is self-sacrifice, giving up what we want for what God wants. I personally have found that giving up my desires and self centeredness is easier when I am reading God's Word daily. God tells us in His Word, Romans 12:1-2, "I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, That you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God."

What can I say to a great God who only wants my obedience!

"Oh my Heavenly Father God, before heaven and earth I give You my all. I surrender my will to Yours to serve You as your obedient daughter and servant. I praise You for the privilege to wait upon You for direction of Your perfect will. I give up my selfish desires and bend my will to follow You. Your love and mercy is greater then any I have ever known. I can't even begin to thank You enough for Your life giving sacrifice of Your son Jesus Christ, my Savior and Lord of my life. Praise and Glory be to Your name God Almighty. Amen"

Princess's example of Surrender 

Help comes from the Lord

I have been unable to perform my routine house cleaning with my injured leg for the last three months. I'm still limited by the Doctor's orders and my own leg strength. An unkept house is really frustrating for me. And the Lord knows it.

The Lord graciously laid it on a lady's heart, who attends my church, to perform house cleaning as a ministry. I was her first recipient. She, her children and my mentor came to my house and cleaned for three hours. What a blessing! I'm extremely thankful for the help which came from the Lord.

NKJV Psalm 121:1-2 I will lift up my eyes to the hills-From whence comes my help?
My help comes from the Lord, Who made Heaven and Earth

Friendships

 I recently joined a women's mentoring program at the church I attend. It is a six month program which was developed to assist in meeting the needs of women in our church. It helps with growth in our spiritual walk with the Lord and female friendships. It requires members to be accountable to meet with their mentor/menttee on a regular basis, to participate in an activity which supports spiritual growth and to pray for one another.

The recent session began on a Saturday morning with an informational breakfast. Upon arrival the coordinators took our picture and provided us with a card to fill out with our name, contact information and what we were looking for in the mentoring relationship. I wrote my personal information and shared I was looking for growth in the Lord and a strong Christian mentor to learn from. I turned my card in, no qualms. 

Then realization set in, I was making a six month commitment of time, energy and vulnerability. Fears began welling up inside me. I felt I didn't take time to pray about the decision to join and it may not be the Lord's will for my life. I thought what if I stick my foot in my mouth, as I so often do, and offend or insult my matched mentor. But, the biggest fear of all was being vulnerable to another human being.  

Being vulnerable is not one of my best character traits. The fear of rejection is so strong in me. It is so much easier to be quiet, make small talk and not let myself be known. I have opened up at times to a small degree, but I knew the bar was going to be raised during this six month period. The Lord wants me to learn vulnerability to Him and to others. 

Trust-Not Fear

Through vulnerability I believe God will teach me about trust. God desires for all to trust in Him. Psalm 33:4 NKJV tells us,  "For the work of the Lord is right, And all His work is done in truth." God is truth and He is righteous. He will not lie to us or lead us down the wrong path. Even when I feel alone and far away from God, I can open His word and find Him. He promises in Hebrews 13:5,  He will never leave us. Having been hurt in the past, makes it hard to trust and believe in others. I put up guards to keep God and others at bay because of my past experiences. God has an answer for my self-made protection and worldly thoughts. In Proverbs 3:5-6 NKJV God tells us, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding: In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths."

Marriage-Ultimate Mentoring Relationship

 The second thing I believe God wants me to learn about; is Him, His word, and how to live. I can learn about God by going to church services, reading His word and interacting with others.  Proverbs 27:17 NKJV. "As iron sharpens iron, So a man sharpens the countenance of his friend."  When you have a one-on-one relationship in mentoring, you become vulnerable and accountable to another. You learn from each other's knowledge and experiences. It wasn't an easy decision to be vulnerable to others, so I have chosen to trust God to make me and my mentoring relationship all He wants it to be.

Spot meeting Prince's  need

Lastly, in my mentoring relationship I believe God is going to allow me to learn to accept support and offer support. I always had the attitude I could take care of myself. I didn't need anyone's help. My attitude has definitely changed due to my fractured knee and being limited in what I can do. My mentor has seen my limitations and provides support by offering to help. Today she met a need by making me a cup of tea and bringing donuts to satisfy my sweet tooth. She was a perfect example of Galatians 6:2 NKJV,  "Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ." I personally have found that not only does it feel good for me to receive help but also to help others.

It has only been a month since I started my new mentoring friendship and I have so much to look forward to, as we both grow together in our faith. I know it will not always be easy, but my desire to know my Savior and Lord Jesus Christ, far outweighs my fear of vulnerability. 

Simple Life and Priorities

It is still strange to me how much my life has changed over the last two months. How something that I believed insignificant, (a fall with an unknown fractured knee, that I was able to walk away from) could change my life. I didn't realize at the time that it was a gift from God.  A chance to begin living a simpler, slower life and to align my priorities with God's priorities. God tells us in Romans 8:28 "And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose" NKJV.

I am finding that as I adjust to God's priorities life is just plain simpler. So many things that I believed  mattered are not as important now. God's priorities are relationship based. With the first and most important  relationship being with God. God wants us to put Him as number one in our life. Exodus 20:3 "you shall have no other gods before Me" NKJV. Anything that stands in the way of us having a relationship with God is idolatry i.e. choosing another item, person, activity or anything we make more important than God.

The second priority that I believe God has for me is the relationships I have with my family, my husband and son. In the book of Ephesians God provides us direction on how to treat our spouses 5:22-23 "Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord, For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church and He is the Savior of the body." 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her" NKJV. Psalm 127:3 Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, The fruit of the womb is a reward" NKJV. As I read God's word I am so amazed at the blessings my husband and son are. When I was running my fast paced life I didn't have time to be with my husband or even give him a chance to be the head of our home as Christ is the head of the church. This of course led to a lot of conflict between us and a relationship that was lacking in the closeness we both desired. As for my son, I overflow with joy at the thoughts of him. He is a true reward to me.

The next priority from God I believe is the responsibility of employment and our relationship with our employer. I view employment as a form of commitment.  I believe God wants us to work and be productive whether at home or at a job. If at home we are working for our families to assist with meeting their needs. If we work outside the home we are working for another to meet their needs and to support our families financially. I Thessalonians 4: 11"that you also aspire to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business, and to work with your own hands" NKJV.  Psalm 31:13 "she seeks wool and flax, and willingly works with her hands" NKJV. The quoted scriptures basically reveal to us how we are to present ourselves as an employee, to be willing to do our job and to mind our own business.

The last priority I believe is service to the church body and community. I know no other way quicker to get over feeling depressed or having self pity then to serve another. When serving someone else I find that I don't focus on myself or my situation but I am providing for someone else's need. Usually someone who has needs greater than mine. Romans 15: 1-2 "We then who are strong ought to bear with the scruples of the weak, and not to please ourselves. Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, leading to edification" NKJV.

As I walk on this journey I am in awe of what God is teaching me, leading me toward and providing me.  By learning more of His priorities and learning to live them, my life has become so full of love, joy and closeness to my God and family. I can't even begin to express my gratitude to the Lord for the changes in my simple life.

Beginning My Journey

I can't even remember when I first started desiring a simple life. All I truly remember is most of my adult life feeling rushed and overwhelmed with my busy life style. Not having time for the priorities of my heart. Or should I say the priorities God spells out for us in His word.

All that changed when I had an accident hiking on a trail near our home. It was September 22nd and I  just had my 2nd mammogram. A previous one earlier in the month revealed an "increase in density" in my right breast. Needless to say I was pretty scared and stressed out for a few weeks. Thankfully the 2nd mammogram came back negative for cancer and changes.

After the x-ray I chose to take my dogs, Max and Princess on a hike. I was in prayer to God trying to de-stress when my pups came out of a high grass area bounding my way. I wasn't paying attention to them because the trail was familiar to us, we have walked it so many times before and I never thought they would run into me. But that is exactly what happened. The dogs came up from behind and knocked me down sideways on my left leg.

The next morning at about 1:30 A.M the pain was so severe and my left knee swollen to the size of a cantaloupe I had to go to the local emergency room. By myself I may add because my son and husband were out of town for a guys night out in a nearby city. I went through the routine things at the hospital and did all the follow up doctor appointments and x-rays and found out I actually have a horizontal  fracture in my knee. This particular type of fracture will usually take 6 months to heal if not longer and can't have any weight on it.

My fast paced, rushed life of work, housekeeping, extra activities to care for my family, caring for multiple animals, frequent shopping trips and traveling out of town was over. Temporarily I now use crutches, walker or wheelchair to be mobile. Talk about a slow pace life. If I go out shopping or to the post office I need some one with me for help, gives new meaning to "family time".

The most important thing through this all is God is revealing His priorities for my life. When I was working full time and traveling 3 hours a day to get back and forth to work it was absolutely draining me, I didn't get to see my family or be the wife and mother I needed to be. Nor did I spend time with God as I should.

 Through this blog I will be sharing over time of my healing; spiritually, relationally, and physically and things I am learning to do to change to a simple life. Please join me on my journey.